Maximum Fun Forum

Brothers Adam and Noah share a home bought out of foreclosure. They are slowly fixing up the house together and the rent is cheap, but it comes at a cost: bats! The webbed-winged creatures seem to be entering the house through the cracks in the unfinished roof of the bathroom. Animal-lover Noah is spooked by their presence, but would rather keep the bats confined to the bathroom than see them come to harm. His brother Adam meanwhile has a lust for blood matched only by vampire bats, and would like his brother to join him in beating them to death.

Should the brothers run in fear, or face their phobias head-on? And just what is the solution to this flying mammal mess? In this battle of the bats, only one man has the answers: Judge John Hodgman!

Judge John Hodgman Episode 54: Die Flederhaus

We need to talk about the fact that these guys are splitting a $300 mortgage.

THEIR MORTGAGE IS $150 EACH!

THAT'S MADNESS!

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The bums will always lose.

Look at it this way: you're paying hundreds of dollars a month to not live in Kansas. It's a bargain, really.

These guys actually live halfway between where my dad is from and where his folks are from.

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The bums will always lose.

My dad is from halfway between where his folks are from and where these guys live. I guess I am too, roughly, but we're talking about dads and dadsfolks here.

And to not live in a house that's falling apart and full of bats.

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Some beeps and boops I made/Sometimes I write funny things on twitter

One of the best episodes yet... brings back fond memories of the time I fought off a snake infestation with a caulk gun and a homemade pole-arm.

I'm slightly concerned about the one brother's laid back approach to the fact that his house is teeming with bats. On the other hand "one escapes every three months and then I kill it" followed by Jesse laughing might be the greatest thing ever.

All in all this was a really good episode for Jesse laughs,

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Come then, and let us pass a leisure hour in storytelling, and our story shall be the education of our heroes,

-- quote from Plato stolen from Donna Tartt

Burn the house down.

I hate/fear bats more than anything in the world.

Loved the dude who was just nonchalantly talking about tossing poison around though.

I'm inclined towards Noah's (good name for an animal lover) side here -- in fact, I find bats kind of cute, in a toothy way -- WHEN THEY ARE OUTDOORS -- but having had a bad experience with a bat a couple years ago, and having scared myself silly reading about rabies, I'm concerned for the dudes' well-being here. They may want to get rabies shots even. They're really expensive but covered by most insurance companies if there is a possibility that you have been bitten (which the CDC says is possible if you have been sleeping in a place with bats). Although I am still a little skeptical of the claim that you can get bitten by a bat and not notice.

Here's what the HSUS has to say: http://www.happynews.com/news/9102008/h ... emoval.htm

I just don't know if smooshing one bat at a time will help. They're probably having adorable, terrifying little bat babies in your walls! And the Judge's point about decaying bat corpses in the walls post-bug-bomb is spot on. You don't want to live with that smell.

Do you have any idea what a house that's falling apart and full of bats would cost in LA?

For one thing, you'd have to import the bats.

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The bums will always lose.

and then there are all the cudgels for murderin'

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O.K., This is Noah and Adam's dad. Someone has to speak for the bats. The "nightmarish squalor" Jesse speaks of was caused by my sons. I'm encouraged that other mammals could exist in that EPA Superfund site. Heck, I'm afraid to go in there. my own theory is that the bats are some sort of Bat Special Forces group whose final test is to survive Noah and Adam. The bathroom must be the DMZ and I'm sure they have their own whispered bat-name for Adam's room that they threaten their kids with. I have a third son but he's smarter than the bats and lives elsewhere. He's the youngest and has surely burned more karma than Gandhi by now. We're sure he'll be fine. we just tell people he's 'practicing for a play'

ohh, laughing so much at this. Kudos to you, sir.