Maximum Fun Forum

Biz and Theresa try to convince themselves that getting pregnant again is a good idea.

Episode 1: Getting Pregnant...Again

Please discuss!

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Theresa

Spoiler Alert....it's hard to do.

Not just for moms!

I'm the primary caregiver for my two darling daughters and even though I can't get pregnant again, myself, I do face the horror of the sleepless fog.

Biz and Theresa add to what seems like a more honest parenting dialogue. More people are willing to acknowledge in public that sometimes parenting seriously sucks, and it is accepted that this acknowledgement doesn't mean you're a bad parent or that you don't love your kids. For a long time saying this was pretty verboten. I appreciate not feeling isolated in the occasional feeling of desperation.

Anyone who tells you the second is easier is a fucking liar or a fucking asshole. With one, if you're still in a two parent family, it's a 2:1 ratio of adults to children. With two, it's a 1:1 ratio. Number one doesn't suddenly disappear or become easy to handle. It's not just double the work; it's exponential. Of course, the whole equation will be thrown off the age of the first child.

I just read this Lifehacker article and although Internet lists are hacky, I completely agree with all ten points: http://lifehacker.com/5989419/ten-thing ... g-a-parent

Two caveats I might add are: 1) Dads, it's not going to be easy for you, but it is nowhere near as hard for you as it is for as it is for Mommy, whose body is suddenly no longer solely her own; 2) if you're in a two parent home, thank your lucky stars and if you know any single parents, please reach out to them.

Yes. This scares the shit out of me. ...and yet...I want to do it anyway.

What you make of that?!

Thanks for listening and commenting! Really appreciate it.

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Theresa

Before you had your first child, how many children did you each want? And how did that number change over time?

Feel free to skip over the times where the number was zero after being pregnant with your first children.

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I very much like the Real Mom of Genius and Failure Mommy segments. That should be sustainable on a weekly basis.

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I suspect it's going to be exceedingly weird when i interact with Simon and Katy Belle at future MaxFunCons/MaxFunBoats.

I was self-conscious interacting with Michael Ian Black's children at MaxFunCon East because i knew *way* too much about them and their parent sex life having read Black's book. I contrast that with my volunteer work, i play with complete strangers' kids. Hell, one of those times per week i'm entertaining with kids i've never seen before.

I suppose with Facebook and other social media, it's quite common for people to know tons about their friends' kids previous to meeting the children. However, the personal and confessional nature of podcasting magnifies this by an order of magnitude.

That said, you need to share this stuff in order for the podcast to work.

This show has brought me into the forums! I actually discovered maxfun podcasts when I was looking for things to do when nursing my 2nd born in the middle of the night. He's just about to turn one (in two weeks, yikes!) and I've gotten through over 200 hours of JJGo, MBMBAM, Judge John Hodgman, and a few others. Baby just started sleeping through the night and now I wonder when will I listen to podcasts again? Maybe that's a reason to have another (HAHAHA).

I thought I would have one and be done, in fact I wasn't even so sure about having one. But then when my daughter turned four I just felt a yearning for another. That sounds totally dumb but there's no other way to describe it. And Biz is right, it can be hard to do. It took a little over a year, which I wasn't prepared for since it took little more than a wink and a promise to get #1 going. And now baby is one, and I am way too tired and old to try it again, but I'm glad that it all worked out most of the time. I tell you, if baby was the firstborn, there would NOT be a five year gap between the two as he is one of those angel babies who is very good tempered and easy going who spoil first time parents into thinking this is easy. Glad I had the challenging child first so I know what I'll be up against soon.

Love the show, looking forward to new episodes and new topics! Will you dare address breastfeeding at some point?

I absolutely encourage second children. My partner and I decided to have a second. Our original plan was three, but that's on hold indefinitely.

Interesting topic. My best advice to all in this situation is: leave your heart and mind open. Don't get set on one outcome - and then all circumstances be damned. That can be a recipe for heartache and disaster.

I do think that, as women, our hormones can screw with our judgment on this one. I see so many fun, smart, interesting women whose lives become so obsessed with having a first or second child that they miss out on what is happening right now - in their home and in the world.

When we got married, Mike and I firmly agreed on having three children. Since then, however, our lives have changed dramatically. And we have had to take those changes into account.

I would love to have another kid, but I just don't think it would be right or fair. Our lives are very full and busy. We have many friends, many projects - and we travel nearly constantly. With only one kid - who is now nearly 8 - that's all still feasible. In fact, she LOVES travel, adventure and meeting new people. Thankfully, her personality (and her unique schooling) suits that type of life.

A second child would not only change all of that - but, ultimately, even after adjustments, I don't believe in my heart that we could give it the type of time and attention a new child requires. Kids need and deserve lots of love, affection and attention (in addition to diaper changes and feedings and the rest). Ultimately, I would never want to have another child if I couldn't give it sufficient attention from BOTH of us. My schedule - and especially my partner's schedule - aren't well suited for that change.

So, we'll stick with raising Madeline. Thankfully, she is terrific.

Hey, someone tell me about deciding to have your first! I am 29 and my husband and I have been together since high school. We've always said we'd have kids when we're 30, but when we were 18 and first discussed that, 30 might as well have been "in an infinite number of years." Now that it's pretty much here, we are starting to revisit. It's a little rough. We definitely, 100% want to have kids so it's just a matter of timing. Caveat is that I have a known condition that causes fertility issues so we could be looking at a lengthy period of time between deciding to have a kid and the kid actually arriving. Of course, we also could also have no problems.

[quote="luvrhino"]Before you had your first child, how many children did you each want? And how did that number change over time?

We always wanted 2, but I was so wiped the first 2 years then this last year had a few issues that made us have to start and stop and start again.

As I said in the show, if it works, great...if not...then it is also good.

I never listened to podcasts till I had KB. Breastfeeding all night did it. But I didn't know what to listen to so I breastfed to 60 Minutes. HA HA HA. I can't hear that ticking and not flashback to crying in the dark.

This is a great post. 1st thanks for saying it. It is encouraging as I wrestle with the "to have or not to have." I often say to Stefan "if we don't do it we could start traveling again...or fill in the blank."

I am of the mind set to "get drunk and fool around" and cross our fingers. If it happens it happens and if not then so be it.

Either way, one kid, two kids, 8 kids...its an insane experience. Finding balance is the key.

Now...totally separate...did you know I am married to Stefan who made that rabbit logo? Worlds colliding!!!

DO IT! (So we can laugh at you when you reach the other side.)

Haha. Hey, it's awesome that you're both on the same page about wanting kids overall, but you're right that timing is important. A friend of mine assumed it would take 6-12 months to get pregnant, but then she got pregnant the first month and was totally thrown. Of course, you have nine months to get used to the idea. But, still. Feeling "ready" is a nice thing. If you're not sure right now and you're only 30...even with the potential for fertility problems it seems like agreeing to wait for a year and revisit again then couldn't hurt. Maybe that's all it'll take!

And keep listening and let us know when you decide to give in!!

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Theresa

I think I've always wanted two or three kids...I've never been sure which. I still waver back and forth but today is a TWO AND THAT'S IT day.




That's the plan! Thanks!!



Yeah. It's a tough thing that we're still figuring out. There has to be a balance between being honest and vulnerable for our audience but also self-preservation and respecting the privacy of our families. I think most of our listeners understand that (just like with JJGo or another show) they should take what we say with a grain of salt -- our stories and opinions can sometimes be exaggerated in order not to bore the hell out of everyone, and for obvious reasons we aren't sharing all aspects of our lives -- nor would you want us to! blah!

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Theresa