Telling pregnant women to avoid sushi, unpasteurized cheese, wine, etc always seemed like bullshit to me. I mean, sure, if you've never eaten sushi before, maybe wait until you're not preggers to give it a shot. But what about people who eat sushi on the regular? And seriously? Some wine is fine. Our parents' parents drank (and smoked) like crazy when they were pregnant, and somehow their kids came out fine.
First, agree....so much is about moderation and responsible living. The only thing I ever got hung up on is on deli meat and I worked across from Subway. My favorite sandwich was a BMT which is all sorts of deli meat. 3 hours after giving birth to KB, my brother in law brought me a Subway sandwich and I ate the shit out of it.
Regarding red wines: hallelujah! I'm super into Cabs right now, but I won't look twice at a Pinot or a Zin. And our dinner time starts with step 1: pour a glass of wine. Always. I used to feel guilty, but eff that. In fact, tomorrow me and my husband and leaving Elle with my mother-in-law to head to Paso Robles for Zinfandel Festival. And staying the night! I'm beyond excited.
I dream of the winery overnight. If you get a good Zin they are the best. I only have one I like and it is too damn expensive for me now...so go try a ton and have a blast!!! I am very jealous.
So here's a somewhat serious question: every Monday I get together with a group of moms (we met in our child birth education class), and for the most part, they're great. Except this one mom. She's a Christian fundie, which would be fine if she weren't a judgmental bitch. I've brought up (in email) meeting at a winery (we're surrounded by wineries), sharing some wine, and letting the kiddos play on the lawn, or on the bocce ball courts. (This is common in my town. Many tasting rooms have toys and books for children.) Everyone seemed on board, until the fundie chimed in the thread and voiced her concern. Some of us go to the same church, and she suggested we collectively meet with our Pastor to discuss "our roles as mothers." Here's my question: how do we cut her out of the group without being "mean girls?" She doesn't have a lot of friends, and motherhood can be isolating, so we don't want to leave her without a support group. But also? We're sick of her bullshit. 3 years we've been putting up with her brand of crazy, all the while trying to be as supportive of her as possible, but suggesting we need Pastoral counseling is where I draw the line. To be honest, it's people like her that turn me off from participating more in my faith community in the first place. I want her to have a support network, but she's such a drag on our group that it's become a source of stress, rather than relief. What would you two do?
Thanks for the great show, and any helpful advice!
Ok...I will try and channel my inner Theresa and be serious before making jokes. She is so much more zen than I am.
I would try 2 approaches with this woman.
1. Talk to her directly...without kids around and without the group. Say something to the effect that you really enjoy the mom gang and it has always been a source of support. You recently have been feeling that "you" (the crazy woman) may have felt put off by the rest of the group and you wanted to check in to see what was going on. You can bring up the example of the winery and say, this seemed like a fun idea and you got the sense this made her feel differently and want to know where she is coming from. I think it is fine to even say that bringing the pastor in makes you feel like you are being chastised. If she just feels like it might be reckless or unsafe, how can we fix that? Cabs? Designated drivers? Carpools? She may be able to express herself and you can reach an understanding.
2. Talk to the pastor. I am a former church goer and I think that if you like and trust your pastor, then he should be able to help you. Going to a winery with your kids in a winery town is not awful and no one is talking about being irresponsible. I think telling him about your desire to keep her in the group and support her as a mom will allow him to give you some guidance you can take or not. It may even lead to a discussion between the three of you that will renew your faith in the benefits of the church community and make her feel better.
Ok, I have a 3. The 3 is if you try one or both of these things and she still resists, you are both grown ass women and you can say that you wish she felt differently but you respect her decision and she does not have to join in activities that make her uncomfortable and that you look forward to seeing her at the next event she feels good about.
It is possible her zealousness comes from feeling isolated. You are a nice person and have the right instincts to not cut her off right away. I think going at her as a group will make her feel attacked. If she feels she has a buddy, she might be more open. Plus...(insert after school special music) you will be setting a good example for you kids long term, even though they don't know what is going on. Oh, and...you will have done what you could to reach out and if she keeps on being cray you can have no regrets.
Or she is total jerk. Either way, the rest of you guys should plan your fun day out. Some of my BEST nights were with Stefan and KB at small town restaurants that had open, outdoor seating where kids could run around and no one looked at you like you were nuts. It is RELAXING!!
I am having wine as I write this.